With profound love and respect...

[leightodd]

Dearest Judi,

I was shocked and deeply saddened by the news from your brother. Although it has been obvious that something had gone awry, I don't think any of us were prepared to hear that you are so gravely ill. You have been such a strong presence in my life for well over a decade now, and I have profoundly missed having you only a phone call away. I burst into tears when I read the email that Deanna forwarded to me.

It's odd that the 3 most influential women in my life have all been stricken with grave, potentially terminal medical conditions. What does one say in such a situation? (I should know by now...but, I still don't.) I don't know what is right or wrong, tactful or tasteless, upsetting or comforting, or inspiring or depressing. So, I will speak from my heart...you will know the meaning behind my words, even if they are not clear...you know my truth.

Please know that I am one of the myriads of people in this mortal world whose life has been dramatically enriched by your existence. You have been a dear friend and mentor to me...I love your laugh, your wit, your self-deprecating and irreverent attitude and, most of all, your empowering common-sense wisdom. In all seriousness, your insight (and, at times, even "intervention") was the force that led me to my children...without you, I know that they would not exist. So, I thank you on their behalf as well as my own. You have listened to me whine with great patience and compassion...knowing that I ultimately would learn your methods of bypassing that stage of self-pity to understand and to embrace the action that I needed to take to produce change. You are an anomaly, a true one-of-a-kind. I feel privileged to know you and to have had you in my life on such an intimate basis.

I have this overwhelming need to see you soon in case you should leave this plane and move to another sometime soon. There is a sense of urgency to it, even though I know that you will fight to the end and, if possible, invoke a miracle from the universe to remain here a bit longer. But, in case that is not your divine path, you need to know that you are the one and only person who harbors all of my deepest, darkest secrets...and who, therefore, has understood me in ways that no one else could. You are the only one who knows me fully...many of my deepest secrets will go with you should you decide to move beyond the realm that we currently know.

Again, although I still have a few compelling questions, your answers to which might help to guide me through the next phase of my life, I will not burden you with them unless you indicate that you are up to it (and, then, only in private). My present purpose is to let you know that, if you have any desire to see anybody other than your immediate family and closest confidantes, I would be so grateful to be one of those lucky individuals. As I indicated earlier, I have an overwhelming need to have some sort of contact with you. But, please, no guilt, no pressure. This desire is rooted mainly in my own selfish needs. If seeing you again is do-able, wonderful. If not, then, so be it. Although I would be heart-broken if you moved on before I had the opportunity to tell you how much I adore you in person, I am comforted by my belief that you already know this.

Please, please, please...FIGHT your ass off! I am praying for you along with everyone else. This world is too barren and depressing right now to lose another of the few vibrant, rich personalities that are left here.

With all my love, gratitude, admiration and deepest prayers...

Your friend,
Leigh T.